A Lady Walks into the Wine Store

Here’s the standard rendering.

A lady walks into the wine store. “I’d like a good red wine, not too dry, something full-bodied, and elegant, with silky tannins and a finish that won’t quit.”

“How much did you want to spend?”

“Oh, under ten dollars.”

And here are some of Saturday night’s variants.


A lady walks into the wine store. “My brother is coming to visit this weekend. I haven’t seen him in a year, and I want to get a really nice wine.”

“How much do you love your brother?”

“Oh, very much. And I know he would enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.”

“And your price range?”

“Oh, no more than twelve dollars.”


A couple walks into the wine store. They are studying a Hungarian wine called Bull’s Blood.

Bull’s Blood can claim responsibility for halting the Turkish invasion of Western Europe in 1552. During the month-long Siege of Egger, the townsmen drank all the wine in the cellars, staining their beards and armor dark red. Soon word spread that they were drinking bull’s blood for strength, dispiriting the superstitious Turks.

“One of these bottles is from the 2004 vintage and one from the 2005. Which is the better vintage?”

“I have no idea.”

The couple, it could be seen now, was Hungarian, so the wine clerk tried to find a Hungarian vintage chart on the Internet. No luck. “I’d go with the older one,” he said. “They are both priced the same, $8.99.”


A pilgrim walks into a bar. “Have you got Wild Turkey?”

“Sure, do you want 80 or 101?”

“Better give me 101. The Indians may drop by later.”


A man walks into the wine store. “I want to buy a nice bottle of champagne for my buddy’s engagement gift.”

“How much did you want to spend?”

“Oh, sixty, seventy dollars.”

The wine clerk led him to the champagne section and introduced him to grower’s champagne. These are estate-bottled bubbles, small production, hand-crafted wines, delicate and exquisite. Then they perused the vintage champagnes and special cuvées. Finally, they settled on a pink sparkler, a non-vintage Vilmart et Cie. Cuvée Rubis Brut Rosé, for $67.99. 

All wrapped up in silver paper, tied off with a red ribbon, it looked like a million bucks.


One Response to “A Lady Walks into the Wine Store”

  1. Margaret Ryan Says:


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